To all guys out there...

Ha-ha.

Something that J.G. Herder said, on social and political culture -

"Since woman is the most tender plant of our earth, and love the most powerful motive force of Creation, the manner in which she is treated is a crucial criterion in the critical analysis of human history. Woman has everywhere been the first object of contentious desire and by her very nature the weakest cornerstone (???!!!??!) in the human edifice... There is, in my view, no circumstances which so decisively reveals the character of a man, or a nation, as the treatment of woman..."

Translated into plain English, it just means - that GUYS SHOULD TREAT GIRLS WELL!

And yup, this is what I study... in Philosophy of Culture.

I'm a polar bear and I feel like hibernating at home.

ZzzZZzz....

"One day,"

.... "One day, you will remember me and start learning to appreciate me for who I am. Yes, one day..."

Indeed.

Yes, there are times when I appear more ridiculous, more ludicrous than the average person... maybe even slightly more mad in my thoughts. I seem to be, most of the time, the smiley one, the one who perks people up like a gummi bear.

Or am I just a very good actress?

If you'd taken some time and really bothered, you could have found out the answer.....








As it is, don't talk to me only as and when you please.

Warum ich so viel Schlaf brauche...

,,Dies frühzeitige Aufstehen", dachte er, ,,macht einen ganz blödsinnig. Der Mensch muß seinen Schlaf haben."

Der Kafka hatte Recht!

Ich versuche in meiner Freizeit deutsche Bücher zu lesen, denn ich will nicht, dass ich mein Deutsch vergesse. Schriftliche Wörter und Bücher kann ich wohl verstehen, aber ich find es unheimlich schwer, meine Meinungen zum Ausdruck zu bringen, insbesondere beim Gespräch.

Auch aufgrund daß wenn ich auf deutsch schreibe, versteht fast niemand was ich schreibe. Gut, gut.

Du... ja, DU - DU fehlst mir. Sighhh...

This morning at the Cheshire Home...

Sooo.

I went down this morning, to tutor Viki in Math. Fractions. Yup, that's for a 17-year-old boy.

Before he came into the room, I looked around. Now the room we have tuition in is called the Quiet Room, and it's fully airconditioned and equipped not only with a convection microwave, etc, but also with framed snapshots detailing the history of the Home hanging proudly on the 4 walls.

I think it's great, I really do, that the Home is so proud of its 50 something-years history, and of its founder, Lord Cheshire from England. I think it's great that there're snapshots of visiting dignitaries - it's not everyday that one gets to shake the hands of Ong Teng Chong, for instance. Blah blah. But what I found saddest of all was the fact that there were so many "Can you recognize the residents?" scattered all over the many pictures.

Imagine. Most of these pictures are at least 30 years old, faded with age, in sepia or black and white. And even while I eagerly tried to spot some residents that I could recognize, I realized just how sad this whole activity was. Because I really could recognize some of them. Sure enough, their location had changed, from Changi all the way to Serangoon Gardens Way.. sure enough, their wheelchair was now made entirely of steel (hey, in the olden days the backs of wheelchairs used to be made of rattan!).. but even so, the faces were the same, the expressions were the same... same as the faces that now greeted me, every Saturday as I hoofed it into the Home entrance.

No doubt, it's meant to instil some interest-factor into the mini-exhibition of the Home's history - but it's still sad. To have to think of people whose families have abandoned them, or been dead, for so long - the earliest photo containing someone I could recognize dated all the way back to 1976. Wow. That's 30 years, 8.5 more than I've lived. 30 years of being termed a "resident".. 30 years of staying in a 4 person room and of having to share a toilet with scores of others.. 30 years of having to eat porridge for lunch out of consideration for those who cannot munch (that's what Viki tells me!)... 30 years of sitting day in and day out in a wheelchair, gazing at the thousands who come and visit and still leave... 30 years of watching your friends die, one by one. Wow. 30 years. Just imagine that.

Maybe I'm being unintentionally off the mark here.. I am not an insider, and life inside the Cheshire Home could be much better than how I've described it. Maybe I am really not assigning to the residents of the Home the dignity they are entitled to. Maybe I don't see the tiny joys, the little sparks of happiness, that make their lives full. Yup, and if I am, I am very sorry.

But... I just don't know. I really would not like to spend 30 years like that.

TALK TO ME!

Heh-heh. *wink*

Dinkeeee... you and I have connection. But, shhh. =)

Thankful and happy that I went..

Admittedly I'd been feeling tired the whole afternoon, and after going home and taking an evening nap, I badly wanted to stay at home instead of attend the Revival Prayer Meeting held in church. And at 7pm, after waking up groggy-eyed and dazed, I was in about 3/4 of a mind to just fall back into a blissful snooze again.. something though just pushed and urged me to wash up and change and to get myself down to church.

Anyhow, I'm so thankful and glad that I decided to go!

We had this guest preacher, the Rev. Edmund Something. And of course, he was speaking about Revival in the Church. Now unlike during lectures, I actually do pay attention during sermons, so I guess I caught his concept of "revival" pretty clearly - imagine a flame, sweeping immediately throughout a church - a flame of passion for God. That's what Revival is.

Ordinarily, we have to whole-heartedly pursue and seek God before we can encounter Him.. however, sometimes, like during a Revival, God comes down to meet us, wherever our hearts are..and this meeting of God brings us to a further height, a heightened passion for Him and His name.

I was really entranced by Rev. Edmund's talk, as he described his personal encounters with the Holy Spirit.. his vivid descriptions and the myriad of emotions manifested (NO, he did not weep during his talk to demonstrate a point, but there were several times when he actually teared heavily as the Spirit overtook him.. you could hear a pin drop in the Sanctuary as all of just stared at him, agog..) really spoke to me.. and told me that the Holy Spirit does work in people.

And boy, does He! Halleluja!

We went up to be prayed for after that, and nope, I wasn't slained.. (uhm.. *gulp*.. actually do kinda feel relieved.. but I guess that's a wrong attitude; I should be approaching this with a more open heart!).. but it was amazing to see fully functional adults lose control, get slained, fall to their knees, cry, weep uncontrollably, or laugh without stopping. You just know the Holy Spirit is working; you just see how real God is! I did tear, though.. and I felt this incredible sense of warmth while being prayed for. =) COOL!

But still.. I'm so glad and thankful. Glad that God dragged my lazy butt out of bed to go for this prayer meeting..and glad that He revealed several things about myself to me. I see that I'm still so prideful, that despite knowing theoretically that we are absolutely nothing without Him, deep down inside I still resist that. I still think that I can wrestle control of my life.

So, Lord.. I will make it my prayer that You break me, break me of this pride and instill in its place an everlasting passion for YOUR Name, for YOUR Glory! I pray that throughout everything that's going to happen, good or bad, whether or not I desire it to or not, that I will always always look to You and trust in Your Goodness and Faithfulness!

I've really realised one thing - that I do want to re-commit my whole life into God's able hands. Sometimes things do not go the way we want them to.. or we just don't see where the good is, and we question God about the whys of things. But really - I pray that as and when such things happen, that I just remember that HE is the Greatest Love of my love! Not any man, not any creature, but GOD our Father!






We went out as a cell group to nosh and play Taboo at Coconut Groove after the meeting.. it was good, though most of us were pretty dead tired after a long day in school. (Ha-ha.. not everyone has the good fortune to live less than 10 minutes away from church and be able to take a late afternoon nap.) But Taboo was fun! Ian commented to Karen that through this game, the really competitive ones can be observed.. I guess that's true! Especially when many of us (yours truly especially) were shushing MX half the time for helping her boyfriend, who was on the other team.

Oh wells. Just something really hilarious that I can't help but blog down.

Rimtimtim (his word was "SLUG"): Uhm.. a snail. Snail without shell.
Everyone else: Sssslu...
Chris: .... MUSSEL!

Yes, mussel. Mussel??!???! Muahahhaa. Sure, Chris! *Gulp*. Here's to Belgian beer and Belgian Slug broth! =)







I decided to splurge today and get something I'd always wanted, ever since I first saw it in the Co-op... NOPE, not an item of clothing, or a new flowery pencil case (yuks), or anything like that. Instead - TADA! Franz Kafka's The Trial!

Can't wait to read it and engage in intellectual discussions pertaining to the hermeneutical aspects of this short novel!

And finally, just to end off - here's a quote I read today that I think can act as a really good reminder to all of us.

"No one can truly know Christ except to follow Him in life." - Anabaptist leader Hans Denk.

3am in the morning this time round!

Wednesday afternoon at East Coast Park...




Check out KL's face, terrified at the thought of playing frisbee. Heh-heh. But Dinkeee IS a good teacher!





And this is US! Lookie our pinkish faces! Uhm... the trees on either side of the picture were fake ones, in case anyone thought otherwise. Nice as ECP is, as much as the gahment has invested in beautifying this place, the trees there just aren't so... so lush and green. Ha-ha.

A few other things.

I just had the sweetest dream and it leaves me smiling even now, 23 minutes after I've awoken up.

*big beam*






Okay, here're a few neophotos from yesterday evening that I stole off Dinkeee's blog. Heh. Thanks Dinkeee!


Don't we all look so adorable? Good enough to eat..haha. From the bottom we have Dinkeee the Bavarian Bier-mädel, with ... uhm, wings in her hair! Going left, it's Joshua wearing a cap that looks strangely like Momo's.. and to his right, we have a smiling, cheery Lindeee! The one in turquoise with a great big grin plastered to her face is yours truly.




Yup, here we are, the King and Queens! Of what? Of hearts? (yea hopefully..) But most importantly, we're kings and queens cos we know that one day, we'll be in our Father's Kingdom! YEA!

All together now... awwwww. Aren't we sweet? :)





All righty, Wen's remark on the tagboard just jolted my memory to what'd happened a coupla days ago, that I thought had been hilarious. This is what happened:

KL (on the phone with Hansel): Hey, did you see that Timmie bullying Hammie?
Hans (with clinking of cutlery behind him): Ya, Timmie is a Bad Boy.
Female voice in the background: HOW DARE you say it in front of me?

Ha-ha.. that was Mrs Kwang their mother. She didn't sound angry or annoyed; she did sound very youthful, though. Sweet.

Oh wells at least I thought it was hilarious.

Moral of the story: Don't call your friend's hamster a Bad Boy at the dinner table, especially if it's named after your brother. =p

Awww so sweet and fun!

I went to my attic to peek at the Twin Terrors just now.

Sooo sweet!

Hammie is running for all his worth on the exercise wheel. I think he's just plain exhilarated that he's
1) finally out of that stinking, big container filled with crumpled newspapers and bits of muesli that he's been living in since he came home,
2) away from the white bully that calls himself his "brother", and;
3) got, at last, a place to call HIS own domain. After all, his brother has "his own room/space/whatever". So Hammie HAS to have one too, ha-ha.

Timmie, on the other hand, is sleeping, with half his head peeking out of an empty toilet roll. His whiskers twitch every so often - maybe he's dreaming of his past glorious escapes and his glory days with the rodent mafia-hood. Too bad, my dear boy! You're now in a new, escape-proof home (yes! with plain plastic sides that even sharp little hamster claws cannot dig into!), and you - can't - escape! Hiakz. As Dinkeee says, he got tired of trying to escape and went into his toilet roll aka safety zone to sulk and sleep.

Ahhh so sweet!





Went to watch "I Not Stupid Too" at Tiong Bahru Plaza just now. Well, I'll save the intellectual critique of the film for a day when I'm more lucid and intelligible; for now, let's just say the 6 of us - Dinkeee, Lindeee, Joshua Ho, Amber, Amber's friend Josiah and I had mucho fun. Lindeee and Amber and I had bought the tickets before Joshua arrived, so they (hey I was innocent!!!) decided to play a little trick on him.

A little background first - well, beforehand, for two wistful, unsuccessful times, Lindeee had wanted to watch said show, but by the time she'd reached the cinemas, all tickets had been sold out. Joshua'd been with her for the second time. So this time round, they decided to trick him about the exact same situation. So the conversation in BK went like that:

Lindeee (winking to KL): Hey Josh, tickets all sold out leh..
KL (catching on): Oh.. OH YEAH!
Joshua (looking crestfallen and still a bit incredulous): Oh..uh...
Lindeee: So what shall we eat? We have 2 hours to kill...
J: Is there a zi char stall nearby? (yesh, he really did say that. Ha-ha!!!)

Later...
KL (knowing full well that he lives in Pasir Ris): SOooO Joshua, where do you live ah?
J: AHHHH....DON'T..ask...me...

Ha-ha..Meanie girls.






Later on after the movie, Dinkeee went a bit crazy about taking neoprints. Oh wells okie, she wasn't the only one..she was just the most *ahem* enthusiastic one. Ha..the 6 of us ended up spending $19 on neoprints. Hmm. It's quite worth it, since I take neoprints like once every 3 years! Ho-ho!

The decorating part was cool, when we got to draw crowns and flowers and dot little snowflakes all over the miniature effigies of one another.

Another Joshua-ism: Later, after we'd used up our energy running around trying out the various neoprint machines, thinking of new poses, and going crazy decorating all the pictures, Joshua asked innocently: "You mean all these neoprints are STICKERS huh?"

Uhm.... heh-heh. Oh well, it's always fun corrupting a newbie into the dark world inhabited by neoprints denizens.





YAY! Dinkeee and I are going to East Coast Park tomorrow! We're gonna blade abit, spend time with God, study (alot!), and talk even more! Should be FUN, not only with a capital F, but with a capital U and a capital N! =)

We WILL get our MacDonald Milkshakes.





Sighh.. still......

Remember who your greatest Love is.

There was this song item during service yesterday. And this was the chorus of the song:

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

Yup, I know the theory. But I really wish I could trust Him more, trust Him in each and every thing I do (or can't do). Cos it's when human-laid plans are frustrated and we start trying to wrestle control of our lives from God that we start feeling so blue, so rejected, so jealous, so angered.. if only we could give it all to Him!

Emotions are funny things. But the first step towards trusting Him (as opposed to our own human strengths, or others that we love) is - to remember that He's our greatest Love. Yup. He. God. Not anyone else, no other humans, no idols, but God.

I'd been feeling somewhat down just now. Yup, really. Just a little chance remark, and all my joyfulness fell away, to expose resentment and possessiveness - the ugliest side of me.

But thank You, Lord. I went crying to You and You brought this song, and a verse to my mind. You brought a promise (I think) to my mind.

For in Deut 6:5, it says - "You shall love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, with ALL your soul, and with ALL your strength."

Thankfully,
Kailuo

Of monkeys and hamsters.

Oh yea - actually, I like being sunburnt on my face. It gives me a pretty pink blush!!! Haha. I should go down to parks on sunny days and tilt my head to the sun more often.

Although some people would say it looks like a monkey. Hmmf.

Well, well, other things. Timmie and Hammie (Rimtimtim says I should call him Hansie...that's a thought, certainly, to be considered...) came home!

Nope folks, don't worry... Timmie didn't pull off another (fourth?) great escape, this time corrupting Hammie/Hansie and pulling him along into the deep abyss of rodent mafia-hood. Instead, these two brave boys were lent to Dinkeee, Eeleen, and Sandra and their group as part of their experiment on Animal Behaviour.

Well of course when they came home after several days, I was totally happy to see them. Let's see what they have to say about their experience.

When grilled about why they'd come home in separate cages, Hansie jumped in and claimed:"That's cos my naughty brother, Timmie, keeps biting me and jumping on me and making me squeak and traumatizing me - "

But, folks now, was his claim at all valid? If he had been speaking the truth, why did he stop complaining the moment Timmie shot him a Look? Hansie could have continued, and brought the truth to light. But instead, he shut up like a little clam and refused to say more, beyond a few squeaks here and there. Now Timmie protested, of course. "Sometimes I just like to play with him, and who's to blame if my playing gets a little rougher? After all, I'm in a better physical condition than my bro! When we were kids (hamster cubs? kittens? kits?) we used to wrestle alot too, and he used to jump on top of me, just cos he was bigger. Well now I'm bigger, so..."

Well well. We don't really know who is at fault here, do we? Hmm. But check out the pictures.




This is Timmie, the great escapist! Check out his big bright black eyes and his nice, smooth white fur coat! With his great skills and talents, Timmie is destined to be a)either a circus performer - you know those who spend their time wriggling into and out of pipes, etc.. or b)a scientist. (that's where the white coat comes in handy.)







Check out Hansie/Hammie! He is busy trying to nibble on the carrot (I think) and looks quite cute doing that. Beside him is the empty toilet roll that he chews on/hides in/makes a nest out of. He's got a little black strip down his back and I think that makes him look like a little pig.






Photos acredited to Dinkeee who shot them with her trusty old Sony Ericsson k700i. (No it's not a new model of Digicam, it's a cell phone.)

All righty, enough of nonsense. I think the start of the midsem break is getting to me and making me more nonsensical than usual.

I'm sunburnt!!!!

Yes folks, I am sunburnt! Oh dear, that comes after my official declaration earlier today, that I do not get burnt, only tanner. Shucks. There are strips of pink on my face and my arms now that look frighteningly red. Oh wells. At least I do not get as burnt as some other fairer skinned people on the worship team, the names of whom shall not be revealed here. =p

Yup, there was a worship team outing/delayed vision and prayer meeting today, held at West Coast Park. Why West Coast? Was it because of the great view of Pasir Panjang Harbour? Or because of the blistening sunshine that God had generously granted us? Well, actually I don't know why that place was chosen - in fact, on the way home, Darryl and Alvin Chew pointed out that we could have used Bishan Park, and all of us on the car found ourselves nodding and going Ya...Why didn't we think of that??? - but oh wells. It WAS a good location.

So we ate lunch (a kingly offering of fried noodles or rice, plus a dessert cone from Mac's that dripped alarmingly fast, faster than I could slurp it up), sang a few worship songs, and Chris shared something with us that really spoke to my heart. Nope, he didn't preach (although he'd prepared two entire pages of A4 sheets.. bless his heart. =) ), but he gave a Thought Experiment.

According to Chris' Theory of the Lousy Maid, it is logically possible that one day, you find yourself the possible employer of - a lousy maid with the generic name of - Siti. Well, so Siti does weird things like vacuum the floor at 3am in the morning, blasting everyone up ("Yes Sirr, bee-cors I like to do ad thrrreee am", in Chris' impeccable Maid Accent), gets ready lunch in the morning at 10am ("Bee-cors, Sirr, I got parrty to attend laterr"), and loves things that almost everyone else hates - like - Cockroaches.

Hmmm. Imagine someone behaving like that to his master. Imagine just doing stuff in the guise of serving the master, but actually catering everything to our need, our pride, to our sense of accomplishment. Imagine doing wicked things that the master hates passionately, and yet delighting in doing these sins.

That is how we are like, with God our Master.

Amidst all the chuckling, the spluttering of water from noses because of Chris' accent and his grass-plucking antics, I really thank him for pointing all of us to this fact. Sometimes it's just there, in front of you - just how unChristlike, just how ill-disciplined we can all be, especially in our roles as servants of God. But it's only when it's pointed out that we realise it just applies to us like that.

I was reflecting on something that Chris'd asked - what is one problem we can think of, connected with serving in the Worship Ministry. And although I'd shared with everyone else the fact that it can get both emotionally and energi(cally?) draining, the greatest danger, in my opinion - is - PRIDE.

PRIDE. That's just a simple 5 lettered word. But underlying it is such a lot of brutal competition, such a lot of criticism, such a lot of putting down of others, even as our prideful selves start thinking ourselves better than others - and even worse, thinking that we don't need God. Each and everyone in the Worship Team is gifted, I really believe that - but sometimes, the contrite and broken-hearted find it easier to approach God and to step into the Inner Temple, than those who are prideful and have forgotten where their God-given talents come from. And real, true love for one another can only be borne out of a pride-less-ness.

Whew. Other than serious stuff, we played frisbee (well, the others played, I protested against playing but, once drafted, walked languidly here and there and didn't score any goals), a few of the teenagers and I climbed the Spiderweb (YEA! Did it without screaming at ALL. Although Rimtimtim didn't take me up on my offer to race him up.), uhm, managed to directly throw the frisbee into the path of Hans' head, talked a bit more to Betty, more than I'd ever talked to her before, and just fully enjoyed myself.

So I thank God. Thank You for the sun(burns), for speaking to our hearts through Chris, for our giftings and talents, for the fun that we had, for the drinks and food provided, for the sighting of the resident "Eagle" of NUS (it kept soaring above our heads.), and altogether, just for giving us the privilege to offer a small part of ourselves unto Him, through serving Him the best we can.

So everyone, let's be Siti, but this time round, the new and improved version, Version 2.0!

=)

Kailuo

Oh shucks,

I really really really crave for some cheese now.

Yummy.

Some soft, ripened Camembert with the taste of autumn smeared generously on a hunk of baguette.

Arghhh.

Nevermind, God will provide. He will provide me with my tartin au Fromage (okie fine I don't take French so I don't CARE if it's wrong..) via Cold Storage and Delifrance.

Yeeeeks.

Here I am, sitting in front of the computer and licking my wounds.

Well I'm not physically wounded.. just have got a mild version of stomach flu/food poisoning I think. But who do I blame - it's my own fault as usual, for always not eating proper meals, munching on rubbish foods, drinking too much coke etc.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Where's the green-faced sickly looking smiley when I need one?

I miss you...

Shucks.

Just had a run in Ponggol Park with da Bandit just now. And I found my mind wandering back to the time my other sister and I'd brought Joko and Shanghai out to this exact same park. Must have been - what, about 3 years ago?

That was the last longish walk I got with her.

I remember her peering curiously into the pond and sniffing at some dead fishes. And I remember her panting and her perky ears and bright eyes when she spotted The Enemy - a Cat.

I remember thinking - Boy, we'll sure have fun like this again.

Sighhhhh...

Simple things to thank the Lord for!

Well.

I'd not really been feeling my normal, joyful self for the past one week or so.. and trust me, it's really abnormal for me not to feel joyful. In school I might joke and laugh and be all hyper, and nope, I'm not putting on an act; it's just that all my life, I've been blessed by God enough not to be wholly consumed by any worries I have. In fact, my ability to get distracted easily actually acts as a foil to any troubles I might have. But still, when the worries do come upon my mind now and then, I don't feel good at all. My exuberance disappears, strangely, and I sense the start of a sulking season coming on. In short, I just start feeling sian more and more often.

Yup, that's how it's been.. for more times than normal these past few days. And partly it's been my fault. I've let myself go, spiral into a - okay, not spiral, cos that just sounds so drastic and major; but yup, I've let myself sink, slowly but surely, one teeny inch at a time, into the Sea of Sianness, when very often, if I'd just looked beyond my circumstances and focused on the Lord and all His blessings, I could have risen above my worries and found joy.

But this morning, as I was walking out of the Cheshire Home along the rows of private houses, the sun was shining so brightly and so brilliantly, Hosanna was blasting into my ear while I daringly sang at the top of my voice, and I just felt so thankful to Him - that I HAD. TO. BLOG. IT. DOWN. =)

There're so many blessings in our lives, so many things to thank Him for, so many simple things to find joy in! And nope, I'm not saying that only cos I'm an eternal optimist who knows how to reframe stuff positively, very well. Well, yea I am that - but I'm saying what I'm saying cos I'm convinced that, however much stress or troubles we might be having, however deeply we might be sunk into self pity and depression, there's always something to thank the Lord for.

I thank God for the sun, that it shines mostly (well in Singapore) and gives us all a brilliant suntan! I thank Him for the simple warmth and glow I feel, when I bask in the golden sunlight.

I thank God for the rain - it's mostly fun, splashing through puddles, and even when the rain gets annoying and heavy and you forget to bring your umbrella (or just refuse to, ha-ha) and you have to rush home to do assignments and you start feeling all frustrated and conky.. I thank God for the time He gave, just so I am forced to sit down and realise that, hey! - things don't always go the way I plan them.

I thank God for the stars at night - we might not see them all the time, but they're always there. I thank Him for naming the stars and for the light they give, on the long, solitary walks home in the freezing wind when my train pulled into Bayreuth station at 2am's in Germany...

I thank God for my physical abilities. I can see, and although I have myopia and hate wearing my specs, heh-heh, that's another reason to thank Him for - the creation of contact lenses. I thank Him that I can hear and listen - to the jokes and laughter of my friends, to the tender voice of my mum, the growling, deep barks of my dogs, the beautiful, angelic voices of my friends singing, the MSN alert sounds whenever I get a new message, the crashing of the waves on the beach.. I thank Him for my voice, for being to sing and talk and laugh and express my joy and sadness... and to announce my arrival before my person comes into appearance. Haha. That's all part of the package, no?

I thank God for my friends and families - for their support, their love, their insults (EVEN! Joshie, no worries, you're still A Friend of Kailuo. Ha-ha. Feeling privileged? =p ), the outpouring of their troubles and woes, the encouragement they give and that I can give too, the Gummybears and spontaneous notes they put in my lockers, the encouraging and concerned coments they leave, the feedback given to me, the advice, the many lunches and dinners together, the joyful time spent in their company as we study study study at night... the rides from my Chauf - oops, from my Daddy *grins*, the many times my Mummy cooked instant noodles for me in the dead of the night, for my sisters, their many "great" ideas when we were younger.. for just being there.

And most of all - thank God! Thank Him for His omni-present faithfulness to us! Thank Him for loving us nobodies so much despite being the Creator of the Universe. And thank Him - for Jesus Christ, who died just so we can draw into a personal relationship with our God. =)

Whew. That's my thanksgiving. How about yours? Remember, it's simple to find joy - it's whether or not you WANT to. =)

Thankfully and joyfully,
Kailuoeee

Just a gentle reminder -

I won't always be around, just to be taken for granted.

Uh, in case I didn't make it clear enough, too bad - I'm not really a robot, I have feelings too.

A question for the wise -

Is unopen Gouda cheese that's 12 days over its "best-by" date still edible? Will I be wrecked by excruciating, tummy-tearing aches if I decide to sacrifice myself for the good of mankind and carry out this experiment?

In the dead of the night II....

Right.

I can't be bothered to think of another title, for goodness' sake!! It's now 4.15am, and for the second (actually, is it the third? Or the fourth.. or fifth?) night running, I can't sleep well.

Oh wells. All the more time to spend trying to do work, poke Polo into baleful wakefulness, or stare at Timmie and Hammie entertain themselves with mini fights and wheel-running... not to mention all the more opportunity to totally humiliate myself in placing hopeless bets with Li-en about how early I'll reach the bus stop. Yesterday I was made to:
1) Lose an eclair/cookie to her
2) Uhm, do a dare (which I haven't done yet, but rest assured Dinkeee, I'm PRACTISING any chance I can!)...
...just cos I reached school a harmless total of 5 hours later than I said I would. *scowls*. Ha-ha.
~



Was reading Psalms 8 just now. Consider this: God, who made the heavens and the stars (does anyone doubt that? Could anyone doubt that?), is mindful of us! Us mere mortals; He has made us only a little lower than angels, and has crowned us with glory and honour.

Something to remember, in times when troubles loom and everything and everyone seem to be conspiring against us - we are still so loved and honoured, and by whom? By the Creator of the universe. Wow. =)

O Lord, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth!
~



I attended a tutorial for my Philosophy of Culture module earlier tod - nope, actually yesterday. Now, don't ask me what this whole module is about, cos I don't know. I don't really get the big picture... which is terrible, considering I don't get the small picture sometimes either. Oh wells. But anyways, part of this tutorial was about - Cultural Relativism.

What is Cultural Relativism? It's the theory that different cultures have different moral standards - for instance, that we don't condone infanticide, but Eskimos might - and hence, that there are no universal moral values.

Now any philosophy major worth his salt would tell you that this argument is bull. The premise has a descriptive value, whereas the conclusion has a normative one. The latter doesn't follow logically from the former, because even if we don't agree on some stuff, there doesn't mean that the truth isn't still out there - right? The hiding of stars by dark clouds does not mean that they aren't there.

But it was scary - scary both because most of the classmates in my philosophy class seemed to be of the opinion that cultural relativism is a true, working theory - and scary also because there were certain points in time when I found myself nodding along with them and thinking, yea, that could be logically true...

Oh wells. Just as long as I remember the stars are still there, despite being obscured by clouds sometimes.
~



There are many times when I say stuff I don't mean to and that I wish I could take back. I guess the disappointment I feel with myself and the regret just serve to teach me to hold back on my impulsiveness and rashness. But hey! - I'm learning, I'm learning! On your part, please just forgive me. =)
~

In the dead of the night..

... I crave... food.

I crave cheese. Those heavenly, slightly-burnt cheesy crusts at the tip of lasagnes. The creamy, rich sauce which hides in the layers of pasta and lingers at the back of your throat... yum. The melted, liquid gold that is cheese fondue. The way shreds of cheese dangle and hang from cubes of bread dipped into the fondue pot. Or even just a simple, satisfying cheese sandwich - whole wheat squares and an old, old cheese like Gouda, or a good Ciabatta and mild mozzarella.

Yummers.

Thanks to Da Bandit.

Well, I had an unscheduled, but yet fulfilling chat with da Bandit earlier this afternoon.

And it struck me that even though I don't seem as appreciative towards her as I do towards my friends, I... lo - lov - oh what the heck, I love her too.

Phew. That was easy, getting it out like that.

Thanks, sis. For laughing at me when I need to be taken down, a peg or not, and to remember that life's not all serious; for listening to me whenever I have those woes; for putting things into perspective for me. For treating me to so many junk food items, more than I could ever count on my phat fingers; for introducing me to ridiculous games involving pinching and turbans and squeals of pains (mostly on my part, but hey, I'm getting BETTER at it!); for giving me advice that I might not always listen to, but that is always well-meant on your part. Thanks for just being you.

You know what - I might complain, I might sulk, I might talk back rudely to you sometimes - but I wouldn't have you, any other way either.

Hiakz.

Oh wait. I'd have you get rid of Momo.

Love
Luuuu

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Just a general shout to the world.

Cos I can't scream now cos it's 2.30am in the morning and my family's sleeping and if I did scream they'd think I'm nuts and cos I can't rant cos if I do it's extremely unfair to my friends to implicate them and I don't want to do that and if I did some people would say it's cos I wanted attention which is true but who the heck doesn't want attention and cos I love my friends but there're so many people who're so hard to love I'm not saying I'm perfect cos I of all people am far from that but why must they make it so hard for me?????????????

The Se7en Curse

Aaccck!

I've gotten tagged by my dear Dinkeee to do this Se7en thingy.. so here goes.. ha-ha.

SE7EN things that make me smile =)

1. Uhm.. seeing Haiena frolick on the sofa and acting "cute cute".
2. Polo's faux-innocent look, even in his most evil moments.
3. Da Bandit offering to cook me Instant Udon, and going grocery shopping with me.
4. Gummy bears and spontaneous notes left in my locker.. (Thanks girls!! Hey..uhm.. I lost yours and Lindee's locker combi's.. haha. Gotta give me again!)
5. A solitary walk in the sunshine, just spending time talking to God.
6. That lingering, pleasant feeling when you've just woken up from a good dream and still have the time to laze in bed thinking over it.
7. Spending time with the ones I love.. =)

SE7EN ways to win my heart

1. Uh.. Gummy bears and sweet notes in the locker. Ha-ha.
2. When you really have a heart for the disadvantaged.
3. When you speak and treat others with God's wisdom.
4. When you speak and treat others with God's love.
5. When you speak and treat others with God's wisdom and love and yet are humble and attribute all glory to Him. (ha-ha, was that cheating?)
   
6. When you take time out to spend time with me and listen to me.
7. The ability to be serious and respect others and still make me laugh.

SE7EN things I believe in

1. Uh... that the human is made up not only of the physical body, but of something else ie. the soul.
2. That God loves me!!! :)
3. That He loves everyone else, who He's created, and that He wants them turning back to Him.
4. That Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life!!
5. That there is a physical world outside of our minds, and that a table is a table. (ha-ha.. strange eh.. that a philosophy major would believe that..)
6. That I should treat people the way I want them to treat me. (still learning how to, though..)
   
7. That Ritter Sport chocolate, lime-flavoured Hi-chews, and lemon-flavoured Gummy bears are the most delicious rubbish foods on earth.
   

SE7EN things I'm afraid of

1. Going deaf one day.
2. Spraining my ankle while I'm running through Simon Camp with Haiena. (believe it.. that'd be like the 7th time I sprain my ankle.. if I do.)
3. Being only lukewarm for God, or even worse, backsliding.. :(
4. Rejection (... well.. actually I don't really think I'm scared of rejection.. but I'll just place it here since the online personality test I did says that I am afraid of rejection, and it should know me best, shouldn't it? Haha.. oh wait a tick.. I think it DOES, cos I'm afraid of..)
5. Rejection. From people I love.. especially a select few privileged ones. :)
6. Getting hurt by.. the select few again.
7. The bed falling down on Polo when he sleeps under it on stormy nights.

SE7EN things I do everyday

1. Go online.
2. Eat something sweet.
3. Look in the mirror - uhm, in fact, any reflective image I come across.
4. Dream..and not just daydream either, but real, sleeping dreams.
   
5. Talk to God.
6. Kiss Polo and/or Haiena.
7. Think... about stuff. About people.
   

SE7EN people I want to see now

1. Uh.. Dinkeee. So I can tell her something.
2. Joko (well not counted as a person but well...)..
3. JESUS!
4. Jamie Oliver. Along with all manners of delicious foods.
   
5. Mr Sandman... well yup I really want to see him now, but I can't.. sigh.
   
6. Nat and Karen AND Ruth, together..ha-ha. So Nat and I can drive the other two crazy with our laughter.
7. Heh-heh... don't try guessing... this is personal.
   

SE7EN people who should also do this

1. Well.. Dinkeee. But she's done it.
2. Uhm.. Lindeee. But she's been tagged.
3. Lalang.. HAHA. See 1).
4. Joshie!! The most favoured baby, now's your turn to do this thing!
5. Uh.. da Bandit. But let's see if she will. Or whether she'll just roll her eyes and refuse to, that rebellious thing.
6. Hmm.. my favourite CGL, Chris. =) Do it on the CG blog. Ha-ha. Thanks for tagging!
7. Well, anyone who wants to.. it's open to the floor.
   

Saturday mornings with Viki

Argh..this is the second time I'm typing this, because mysteriously today, blogspot hasn't been cooperating with Ms. Lan. Hmm. I suspect it's because of the photos I've been posting. Wahhhh!!!

Anyways..I really wanted to blog this down, cos Viki is soo inspiring. He's the 17 and a half year old boy that I'll be tutoring, and he lives - nope, not at home, but in a Home. That's the Cheshire Home for the Severely Disabled.

Viki is severely disabled. He was born with spina bilifa (is that correct?), which just means that he had a hole in his spine - and that he has to stay in a wheelchair for life. Also, there was fluid in his brain at birth, and he had to have a shunt inserted into his head via painful operations, just to save his life. In addition to that, he's got family problems - which is why he lives in a Home and not at home. In fact, he hasn't had a proper family life for a few years.

Imagine being born without any sensation in your lower limbs - at all. Imagine having blinding, splitting headaches and having to miss a few hundred days of school at one shot. Imagine having 4 siblings and both parents alive, and yet having had to live in a foster home since young, and THEN in a Home with dozens of elderly folks, all who cannot walk and some of whom can't communicate properly.

Now that is to imagine being Viki.

This morning, I'd been perturbed, distracted, and tired, as I made my way down to the Home. Part of me was reproaching myself - what was I doing, heading all the way down there on a nice sunny Saturday morning, when I could very well have stayed in bed and had sweet dreams? Or gone down to school and gotten some work done. No matter. I prayed to God that He would show me the purpose for my going there - that He would really just instill, once over again, the desire to serve Him through ministering to others, in my heart, all over again.

Well, when I'd sat down and started talking to Viki, and learnt about his operations, looked at his schoolbag, heard about his favourite pop idols, the movies he's watched, heard about his schoolwork, and gotten an early Valentine's Day present from him (nahh.. please don't "Sooo" me, people.. haha..), I really just felt so.. blessed. Not in the sense that I wasn't physically stricken, like he and the other residents of the Home were - but blessed in the sense that God had really granted my prayer.

Because it was only from today, from this morning, that I realised - just what misconceptions I had had about the residents of the Home. I'd thought most of them would be bitter, hostile, isolated from the world, introverted, just - just wallowing in bitterness and sadness at the way their situation stood. I thought Viki would be this defiant, rude, rebellious teenager.

At least, that's how I think I would have turned out, if God had placed me in his situation. I don't even know if I would have turned to God in the first place, or just simply cut Him out from my life!

But yup - how wrong I was. How wrong I still am, as I struggle to get rid of my prejudices and misconceptions. He's got a cheeky twinkle in his eyes, he's extremely smart, wonderfully self-possessed, and holds conversations splendidly.

And how inspired I feel, by Viki, how privileged I feel, just to be able to get to know him better. And it really is a point of reflection, as it should be for all of us "normal" ones - we who have so many blessings, physically and materially. Why do we keep getting discontented with what we don't have, and complaining - instead of basking in what we do have - which is the God-given ability to find comfort in relationships, in Him, and simple things?

Wow. Thank You Lord, that You put my feet to getting down to Cheshire this morning, and having the opportunity to just learn from this.

REAL results out!!!

Yes!

The long-awaited, highly-anticipated results to the event of the month - Hansel's DG's cutest baby photo contest(gosh now that was a mouthful, wasn't it?) - are OUT!!

Now, before revealing the results, of course, this extremely-impartial judge has to say a few words. It was indeed tough, picking the cutest out of all these CUTE babies. Through the entire arduous endeavor, there were many trials. Daily I was bombarded by corrupted girls *wink* highly partial to the baby of their choice; they reproached me in all manners, at all times of the day, along Crusade Corner and even via online messages, about what they perceived as my bias-ness. Finally, to placate them and yet, still stick to my own principles, yours truly decided to open more categories in the contest.

Lemme tell you, facing those cooing girls more irrate at Ms Judge than a mother bird at a cat was S-T-R-E-S-S-F-U-L.

But I prevailed. Heh-heh.

Now..... *drumroll*.... Here are the results, OUT! =)

For the category of Most HARDWORKING Baby, we have.... Mr.... Joshua Chee!!!



For his entry of a smiley baby doing his readings, Joshie deserves this title, indeed. Hmm. Some things never change! =) Believe you me, it was a tough fight between Joshie's entry and that of Barney at his Kindergarten graduation. Then hey! - I realised that unless Barney had been a child prodigy, he would have graduated from K2 at the ancient age of 6 - and hence he had to be disqualifed. Tough luck, Barney. =)

Next up, we have the category of Most SPIRITUAL Baby. That was an easy one. Which baby proclaimed his love for Jesus in such a manifest and obvious way as our Mr Derek Foo???



Wow. With such a BIG heart for Christ, Derek should have seen the prize coming his way! I'm sure Derek has really grown up in his spiritual walk, from the time he was an innocent babe.. =) Do continue in your pursue for His Heart!

Of course, of course.. with such a BIG grin and his twisty yeeeeckle fingers, Mr Barnabas Gan certainly won the category of Most SUNNY Baby hands-down. Or should we say, fingers down. Okie okie, bad joke.. but anyways, who can resist grinning back at Barney's contorted, twisting little fingers and his wide open grin? How bout that Mickey Tshirt? What an encourager, indeed. =)



Well, to tell the truth, yours truly had a truly troubled time, trying to decide between choosing Barney or a certainother sunny baby to win this category.. trust me, it took a long time, but I finally decided...because.. the other baby wins in the...



Mr Guess Kids Category! With his supermodel post (check out those tiny legs so attuned to posing, one behind the other!) and his ultra-wide grin, Mr Hansel Kwang certainly embodied all the charm, poise and charisma a successful infant model needs. Not bad, not bad, Mr Guess Kids. If you'd been born maybe a decade later and in a totally different continent (ie. the USA), you might have become the style icon for lucky tots such as Brooklyn or Romeo Beckham, or the as yet unborn kid of Angelina and Brad.

Of course! There're a few other categories too, but as there isn't much time, I'll only briefly mention them.

Baby most like his present self - Joshie and Hansel tie in this category. Just a glimpse of their baby photos is remiscent of their present counternances.

Most Ah-pek Baby - Haha, Joshie again:



Nah, I don't favour him - but c'mon, which baby except an Ah-pek one sits like that, leg crossed over the other, at such a young age? =p

Most heartwarming baby photo - All right, it's a tie-up between Derek and his-unnamed-brother, (check out Derek's sulky face, ha-ha)











...and babies Tim and Hansel facing each other and gazing at the camera. Check out the cute little pair of overalls Hans is wearing, and Tim's chubby little hands grasping at his crib. Ahhhh... it's always so heartwarming, to see young brothers taking photos together.








Most greedy little baby - again, Joshie, as he stares intently into the camera in front of his 2nd birthday cake. Check out the baby behind him as he attempts to hold Joshie down! "Relax, bro, the cake's not going to run away".. Haha. THAT was a true classic. Thanks Josh for that line.











Most hyperactive little baby - Hansel!




With those boxing gloves and the feet fleet as a butterfly. Hmm.. this baby sure had a good future.. he could have ended up either a famous Child Model OR the next Mohammad Ali. See, golden boy?

And now - for the one BIG category everyone's been waiting for. Just who, though, is THE CHAMPION OF THE CUTEST BABY category, my dear readers might be pondering. Well, search and ponder no further, as I proclaim now - the cutest baby, with the most pensive expression, the chubbiest cheeks, the fattest forearms, and most mischievious looking cowlick and clad in his brother's hand-me-down overalls -



is... MR TIMOTHY KWANG!!!

Well I do have to bear in mind that his was just an honourary entry, illicitly posted by his dear elder brother, so running a VERY close second, and maybe only about 0.00...1% less cute than Tim, we have the sleeping photo of.. MR JOSHIE again! Woo-hoo! Joshie, the camera REALLY loves your baby face! =)



All righty folks. This judge is exhausted and now must rest, in preparation for the much flake that she might have to face from the indignant column of girly fans of the contest. But once again, folks, remember - I WAS impartial. Haha.

Seriously, thanks for all the fun and entertainment provided.. Linkalime will come up with another photo contest soon, won't we, girls? And I bet ours will be entertaining as well.. but in the meantime.. just enjoy the baby pics of the guyzmos!

Love
Ms Judge

PS For all the fun provided, I pledge to buy each and every baby mentioned here a drink, redeemable within the next week. Heh-heh. All righty, Baby Edwin wins gets a drink too.. but I have to see the photo that he entrusted to Hans.. Ha-ha.

To one of my good friends:

Dear KAREN!!!!

I just wanted to blog this down, in case you too, have a voyeuristic streak in you and go around surfing for people's blogs at 2am in the morning. (Ha-ha, well I admit that there are certain people like that, including yours truly. :p)

Anyways, we just got back from cell group and your surprise party. I really hope that you liked it! Delia was so sweet and thoughtful... she was the one who organized it..so caring eh? And she came up with the creative idea TOO to boot! =)

Yup..okie.. anyways, I just wanted to say that you've really been a blessing to me, in each and every way. Small ones, big ones... over the past one year (it's been almost a year since I joined our cell!!! So cool eh?) I'm really so thankful that our friendship has grown by leaps and bounds. Thanks for the many walks back (AND forth!) our houses, as we attempt to analyze complicated friendships and relationships..for always being so caring and taking the time to just ask how I am.. for being the stable, calming friend you are, to balance my impulsiveness and rashness mostly..and most of all, for being one of those whom God has placed in my path, who brought me to Him.

I just really want to pray for you.. pray that, through hardships, stress, tribulations, joy, and laughter, you will just continue to look towards Him..look towards His goodness despite all that you might be suffering, and just continue to trust in Him. And not only to count our failures and blessings - but to just be able to see God as He is - the God who created us all, who loves us so. Just to be able to get to know Him more and more on an exponentially growing deeper level.. to be able to enjoy the intimacy with Him, and to know His will and be attuned to it..yup. That's what I pray for YOU, this beautiful sister of mine. =)

Lotsa love over many more years,
Kailuo

Halleluja, Timmie's been found...again.

Yup.

He's safe and tucked away in his cage once again, this naughty wanderer of mine. Found by the Thursday cleaning auntie's younger sister and my mum, no less. (It's a long story.) A bit thinner, a bit less hyper than before, but don't worry folks, Timmie's still hale and healthy.

Next up - a guest blogger! Only this time not of the human variety; he's got white fur, sparkling black eyes and a cute woffly nose! Two points, anyone who can guess who's gonna post next. =)

A thankful and glad
Kailuo

What am I doing, blogging at 2am in the morning?????!?!?!

Okie.. maybe, as Lindeee says... I am addicted to blogging.

But what am I doing, awake at this unearthly hour in the first place?

I really am not sure...I'm feeling strangely hyper, and in need of some good ole exercise. Hmmm. Maybe it was the two cans of Coke and one can of Oolong Tea that I drank earlier today?

Yea.. feel like bouncing off the walls... *bounce bounce*... haha.




I think I really need patience and love.. especially with my parents. Earlier today I felt so indignant, so righteously angry, that they'd told me off for making trouble for them.. when all along I'd just wanted to be helpful and aid a friend. But on retrospect, they are old folks, they had watched a movie earlier tonight, and had then come all the way to fetch me home.. of course they'd have been tired. Hmm. Yup.. I just thank God that through it all, I hadn't reacted rashly as I might have before. Holy Spirit, I thank You for granting me the patience and maturity to act like.. well.. a decent, mature adult.




Nowadays, other than readings (lalala.. whoever knew that reading about the characteristics of Bentham's classical utilitarianism could be so entertaining?), the one thing that's highly amusing, to me at least, is the Baby Photo Contest. Ha-ha! Every morning I find myself filled with anticipation as I check out whose oh-so-cute photos have been posted overnight. In the daytime, at the Crusade Corner, Lindeee, Lalang, Dinkeee and I gawk and coo at the oh-so-cute quartet. I foresee that CO Kwang might just have started a brilliant new series of photo contests...coming up next is tentatively - Childhood Girlfriend photos????!??! Ahahahhaa.. again, I volunteer to be the judge. But the next time, I generously invite the others to be part of the panel. Hiakz hiakz.





The unopened packet of Snyder's of Hanover Cheddar Cheese pretzel sitting on my desk right in front of me sings out a siren's wail. It beckons invitingly with its garish orange wrapping and shimmering golden sides. "Bursting with flavor!", the luscious bits of finger-licking good pretzel bits pictured on the front look at me with seductive eyes. Can I resist? Dare I resist?




Oh all righty.. back to my readings.. this is a highly random post, generated at 2am due to a caffeine high and a lack of rest throughout the day..

FWAH!
More later,
Kailuo

Results out!!!!!

Yes, the results are out!!!

NO LAH! Not results to THAT contest (heh-heh, those waiting with abated breaths for THOSE results shall have to wait with abated breaths til.. uhm.. Saturday at least, for our very last contestant to enter his photos..)... the results I'm talking about are those to this online DISC personality test that I took yesterday.

Hmm. Now, who knows how reliable these tests are?

But apparently they ARE quite dependent. Check this out:

"You have a high I coupled with a S." Now what does THAT mean? Apparently, it just means that I am "Enthusiastic, Trusting, Optimistic, Persuasive, Talkative, Impulsive, Emotional..."

...and that my greatest weaknesses are that I'm "More concerned with popularity than tangible results, Inattentive to detail, Overuses gestures and facial expressions, Tends to listen only when it's convenient."

Haha. Does that sound like me?

Well anyhow.. Karen was right. Spot-on correct about me. =)

It's just so amazing how God actually created each and everyone of us to be so unique and so different.. and how as friends, we can all complement the personalities of one another. I don't really know another person who's more than 75% similar, personality-wise, to me at all.. and that's when the fun part comes in actually... making the acquaintances of so many different personalities and characters, and learning to look at the world from so many different viewpoints. There is no right or wrong viewpoint, in many cases.. mostly, if we'd just take the time to stop and listen to what the other is saying, we'd realise that hey! - that IS something to be learnt from that.

Amazing. =)

Tired but happy,
Kailuo