Just some thoughts..
Had a great talk with Karen earlier today after lunch, and I'm just so glad that we talked. And talked. And managed to clear up some stuff... somehow, like she said, this makes the friendship so much more real.
And I've realised some stuff too. How much my friends love and care for me, and how selfish I've been, in the midst of my own problems.. I don't lift my head from the clay sucking me in to take a good look around and see how others need me, or just love and simple gestures of concern, more than I need them. And this is something I'll ask God to change - I really want to love them, on GOD's terms!
I've realised too.. just how I've changed. I don't know if this is something God's done to my life, or something I've done against His Will, cos I really can't discern at this point in time whether it's a godly change or not.. but one thing is that I've learnt to really become less people-oriented and more and more task-oriented. Sometimes I tend to fix my eyes on an aim that is too idealistic and inevitably, that causes me to forge ahead on my own, with minimal care for the thoughts of people around me, or without caring about various distractions. For instance, in my goal to grow in Christ and to learn more about God, sometimes I don't really look around enough to help others who are struggling in their walk.. I feel. I really don't know if that's good or bad, whether it just means that I'm single-minded (which is good), or selfish (BAD) - but it is most probably a combination of both.
Oh wells. Today's sermon spoke to me too. One point that Uncle Andrew preached about was that a ministry is not just about doing tasks, and carrying them out well - it's about caring for people too!
I think for too long, far too long in my life, I've really used my capabilities and inborn giftings to get around. Nothing's been too tough, nothing too difficult to handle. And that's the reason that right now, I'm stuck like that - thinking that as long as I perform a task well, sometimes other things, other people don't matter. Another problem with me is that I don't feel contented often - oftentimes, I strive to become a Jonathan instead of a David, even when God's placed me in that particular position for the time being for me to learn.. for me, that's something I'm always struggling with. Even worse, I don't depend on God nearly enough.. I do know that everything I have is given by Him, but because of all that He's given me, I've grown complacent and overly self-reliant.
That's so wrong. I need to ask God for humility, and to teach me to depend on Him. It won't be an easy road ahead, but God will bring me through and teach me to become more and more Christlike.
And I've realised some stuff too. How much my friends love and care for me, and how selfish I've been, in the midst of my own problems.. I don't lift my head from the clay sucking me in to take a good look around and see how others need me, or just love and simple gestures of concern, more than I need them. And this is something I'll ask God to change - I really want to love them, on GOD's terms!
I've realised too.. just how I've changed. I don't know if this is something God's done to my life, or something I've done against His Will, cos I really can't discern at this point in time whether it's a godly change or not.. but one thing is that I've learnt to really become less people-oriented and more and more task-oriented. Sometimes I tend to fix my eyes on an aim that is too idealistic and inevitably, that causes me to forge ahead on my own, with minimal care for the thoughts of people around me, or without caring about various distractions. For instance, in my goal to grow in Christ and to learn more about God, sometimes I don't really look around enough to help others who are struggling in their walk.. I feel. I really don't know if that's good or bad, whether it just means that I'm single-minded (which is good), or selfish (BAD) - but it is most probably a combination of both.
Oh wells. Today's sermon spoke to me too. One point that Uncle Andrew preached about was that a ministry is not just about doing tasks, and carrying them out well - it's about caring for people too!
I think for too long, far too long in my life, I've really used my capabilities and inborn giftings to get around. Nothing's been too tough, nothing too difficult to handle. And that's the reason that right now, I'm stuck like that - thinking that as long as I perform a task well, sometimes other things, other people don't matter. Another problem with me is that I don't feel contented often - oftentimes, I strive to become a Jonathan instead of a David, even when God's placed me in that particular position for the time being for me to learn.. for me, that's something I'm always struggling with. Even worse, I don't depend on God nearly enough.. I do know that everything I have is given by Him, but because of all that He's given me, I've grown complacent and overly self-reliant.
That's so wrong. I need to ask God for humility, and to teach me to depend on Him. It won't be an easy road ahead, but God will bring me through and teach me to become more and more Christlike.
posted by Yellow Garfield at 6:47 PM
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