Bad dream..

Oh gosh..

It's 3.33am in the morning, and I'm blogging. Reason? I just woke up from a bad dream. Even til now, the fear of it clutches at my heart and makes it hard to catch air into my lungs.

It wasn't those kind of monster-chasing-after-me-baring-sharp-teeth nightmares. I wasn't scared of the experiences I was undergoing per se.. more the emotions of abandonment and despair and envy and grief they evoked in me... such vivid emotions.

Ya, stuff is magnified a hundredfolds in dreams and sometimes the fear and rejection you feel in dreams.. is an exaggeration. Is it true that the mask of rationality I hide behind in the daytime is all stripped away as night falls, and my true self is revealed? I don't know about that.. but sometimes dreams do serve as a reminder that some emotions you should be feeling are being repressed.

I remember I was crying desperately in my dream, but not outright. In the secret, behind the backs of everyone.

Don't think I want to sleep anymore tonight.