We are all pilgrims that need Grace.
I wish METAmorphosis camp could have gone on for a longer time!!!
I learnt so much from META. Not only the theological part (about apologetics) which, it is true, as Lindy's pointed out, we could have read up ourselves (but still, the discussion part was interesting), but also about how God's been moving and working in the lives of people, from the nightly rallies (which, FINE, I fell asleep in......), and most of all, how inadequate I am, and how much we all need God's grace and strength to function. I was discouraged by some stuff, encouraged by most, enjoyed the fellowship tremendously, and most of all, God's presence was with us.
Here're the highlights:
Games: Well, originally, I'd been assigned a (to me) B-O-R-I-N-G game during the dry run that took place the previous week. And by BORING, I mean seriously boring. Even I, the stations master, would not have enjoyed it. Of course, the previous Kailuo would have started arguing, but this time round, I decided to just let God take charge of it, and rejoice in the blessings and joys I already had.
But Halleluja! On the day of the games itself, Tuesday, our Games I/C came up to me and told me that I would be now a station master at the Obstacle Course. Hiakz hiakz! The one that I'd most coveted.. mostly cos it would be fun and I would get to sabo my friends. Well, fun for me, and for anyone who likes to slide through his/her tummy along a soy-sauce/flour/detergent covered mat, dunk his/her head into a basin of water to take a bite of a bobbing apple, and THEN still search orally for a minuscule piece of chocolate in a plate of flour... Hiakz. All the while getting doused with more flour and soy-sauce by the ever-so-humane station masters. I managed to get Hansel, Darryl and Li-en and Juliana and Sijie and Corinne all seriously dirty.. even more dirty than they had been.. and was awaiting Lindy and Chris and Rimtimtim snarkily.. but alas! Fate was not on my side, but theirs..Haha. Although I did hear that Lindy got dirtied by Li-en and Hansel. Good kiddoes. ;)
But there was something I learnt too. Well maybe it did not pertain to me on that day. But looking back, I think God was really telling all of us, especially the Games I/C, to not rely so much on our own strengths and human-made plans, by making it rain so much that day. So much so that our games was about the only one that was held out of doors (because of some mis-communications). I mean.. when people fall ill, or there's a lack of resources, or some other logistical problems, there always seem to be a solution that we can all solve ourselves. However, it's when God really wants to humble us that He shows us that truly, man-made plans do not mean anything. I thank Him too, that our I/C is humble enough, and has learnt her lesson too.. she emailed all of us today to apologise. Selina, you rawwwwwkkkkk!!!! =)
What else... well, during the theological equipment class, of course the discussion and class interaction about apologetics was interesting. But I also realized something.. quite unsavoury about myself. Being the Philosophy-trained student that I am, I'm interested in seeking out flaws in arguments and trying to debate. But what does that really achieve? It's a way of undermining others, and isn't edifying at all.. I was reading yesterday in Ephesian 4: 29 - "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up... that it may give grace to those who hear." Well - I realized that, on the first day at least, when I did speak up in class to pinpoint some flaws or to question some arguments, it had been done out of pride. Because I liked to hear myself talk, and because I liked to tear down an argument to prove my own human "intelligence".
Of course I'm not saying it's wrong to question, and doubt... cos Christianity's a rational faith and it will withstand centuries of whatever doubt people throw at it. It's just that my motivation was all wrong.. even if the teacher had been blatantly wrong, what I could have done would have been to speak out of a motive to encourage him; instead, I was frankly just trying to tear down his argument to make myself feel good.
And I know that's something I've gotta ask the Holy Spirit to help me with.. I never knew that I needed to grapple with pride too. But I've also realized how many blessings I've been showered with. Even from young, I never really needed to work hard at anything.. to make it seem pass-ably good, at least. Now that's not a prideful statement.. really, it's something I'm now ashamed of, cos all these human qualities, which seem good in the worldly sense, do not contribute to actual success. What God wants isn't your intelligence or your artistic talent or whatsoever.. it's your humility, your weaknesses, your broken-ness. And yup, I really thank Him for showing me.. now to ask Him to CHANGE ME! =)
What else, what else.. admittedly I did fall asleep during the first two days of the nightly conferences.. but truly, I did learn something from them too. All right, maybe from secondary sources (who HAD been awake, haha..).. but I now do grasp the meaning of Grace, and of how much we all need Grace, and of how nothing we can do or say will make God love us more. The second night's conference about anger shocked me too.. I saw someone who I'd thought was not angry at all go up to the altar call.. my heart just sank and I stood there, and tears started coming to my eyes and streaming down my face, as I recalled the number of times I could have hurt this person, made this person angry.. and I really prayed that God would heal him. Well.. after a late-night talk with him, I realized that it wasn't a very deep, traumatic wound that'd made him angry.. Oh-kayyyyy... but oh wells, still good to realize your concern for a friend.
What else, what else.. oh yup, the last night was great. Lindy and Li-en and I'd gone around on Thursday, chanting "Tonight's the night!!!" to whoever cared to listen... and it was true, that night was the night we all stayed awake!! Haha. After CG sharing had ended at around 3am (well mine hadn't, but I still played my CG out to go sup with the gang), 14 of us piled into 2 cars, NINE of us in Dillon's (with Li-en and I in the boot, screaming and laughing hysterically each time we came to a hump or a turn), and proceeded to West Coast Mac's. Well it was great.. a few of climbed the Spiderweb and it was such an adrenaline-pumping experience - for me at least - to convert my initial hyperness into a mixture of escalating anxiety and sense of fun, as I did something I'd never done in my life. I ended up stranded at virtually every knot of the Spiderweb, gazing down at the sand in panic.. somehow it seemed 10 metres away from the ground.
Now for those who know me, I'm scared of heights. I admit, I'll go onto a ferris wheel but end up clinging hold of the side of the gondola, shaking badly. It's not like that for rollercoasters or even for reverse bungee (which I've never tried) at all.. it's just that, if I have to linger long at the top of something, I start really fearing. Well, it was a humbling experience indeed for me, as I looked down and realized just how fear incapitates one. But I really do thank Li-en especially, for her calls of encouragement and attempts to teach me, as she herself scaled the Web in virtually 10 seconds flat. =) Thanks girl!!!!
The two of us stayed on the Web and lay down and looked at the cloudy night and talked..just shared.. about stuff that maybe we'd never have shared, if not for that night. *grins* I really thought it was great fellowship time. And my time with Lindy too was wonderful. After our 4.30am brekkie of MacDonald's Breakfasts, we went back to PGP, and as Li-en conked out, Lindy and I decided to just.. sit and talk. And it was great too...uhm, again, sharing stuff that was really personal. But I do want to thank both of you wonderful people!!!! I love you girls, and am so glad that exams and META's drawn us closer...am so looking forward to next semester!!!!
Other than that.. yup, I'd just like to mention how encouraged I was by one of my group mates. He was born disabled and can't really walk well. In fact, he needs a crutch to walk, and even then, it's heart-breaking to see how tough it is for him, physically. Well, I do think that God's really worked through and in him.. to give him such a beautiful spirit of patience. It was heartening to see how he never complained at all, despite every step being a challenge for him, and the never-ending stairs we seemed to have to climb..not to mention, the long journey we had to take to Tampines (from the WEST!!!!!) on Wednesday, and the few times he fell down on the ground, lacking strength. In fact, I really do think I can see Christ in this particular person, even as he suffers silently and patiently.
I wonder.. how I would turn out.. if I had been born with a physical disability too. It would definitely be a challenge to love God.. it'd be much easier to turn away from Him, and to blame Him for the shortcomings and difficulties that disabled folks have to face in life, more so than maybe "normal" people. It would be much easier to react in a bitter way and spiral into a mess of self-pity.
But no, this group member's not like that at all.. in fact, he loves God and really trusts in Him. And that's just so wonderful to see..and inspiring too.
All in all, META's been great.. a great time of fellowship with friends and others I'd just gotten to know, of worshiping Him and just forgetting about the voices around me and my own (which is pretty hard to do, but I really pray that one day I'll learn to worship in humility).. and mostly, of learning some stuff about God and about myself, and of un-learning some other stuff. For it says in Eph 4:22-24 "... to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life.. and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness".
I thank You, God, for showing me just how human I am.. just how much I need You in everything.
Love
Kailuo
I learnt so much from META. Not only the theological part (about apologetics) which, it is true, as Lindy's pointed out, we could have read up ourselves (but still, the discussion part was interesting), but also about how God's been moving and working in the lives of people, from the nightly rallies (which, FINE, I fell asleep in......), and most of all, how inadequate I am, and how much we all need God's grace and strength to function. I was discouraged by some stuff, encouraged by most, enjoyed the fellowship tremendously, and most of all, God's presence was with us.
Here're the highlights:
Games: Well, originally, I'd been assigned a (to me) B-O-R-I-N-G game during the dry run that took place the previous week. And by BORING, I mean seriously boring. Even I, the stations master, would not have enjoyed it. Of course, the previous Kailuo would have started arguing, but this time round, I decided to just let God take charge of it, and rejoice in the blessings and joys I already had.
But Halleluja! On the day of the games itself, Tuesday, our Games I/C came up to me and told me that I would be now a station master at the Obstacle Course. Hiakz hiakz! The one that I'd most coveted.. mostly cos it would be fun and I would get to sabo my friends. Well, fun for me, and for anyone who likes to slide through his/her tummy along a soy-sauce/flour/detergent covered mat, dunk his/her head into a basin of water to take a bite of a bobbing apple, and THEN still search orally for a minuscule piece of chocolate in a plate of flour... Hiakz. All the while getting doused with more flour and soy-sauce by the ever-so-humane station masters. I managed to get Hansel, Darryl and Li-en and Juliana and Sijie and Corinne all seriously dirty.. even more dirty than they had been.. and was awaiting Lindy and Chris and Rimtimtim snarkily.. but alas! Fate was not on my side, but theirs..Haha. Although I did hear that Lindy got dirtied by Li-en and Hansel. Good kiddoes. ;)
But there was something I learnt too. Well maybe it did not pertain to me on that day. But looking back, I think God was really telling all of us, especially the Games I/C, to not rely so much on our own strengths and human-made plans, by making it rain so much that day. So much so that our games was about the only one that was held out of doors (because of some mis-communications). I mean.. when people fall ill, or there's a lack of resources, or some other logistical problems, there always seem to be a solution that we can all solve ourselves. However, it's when God really wants to humble us that He shows us that truly, man-made plans do not mean anything. I thank Him too, that our I/C is humble enough, and has learnt her lesson too.. she emailed all of us today to apologise. Selina, you rawwwwwkkkkk!!!! =)
What else... well, during the theological equipment class, of course the discussion and class interaction about apologetics was interesting. But I also realized something.. quite unsavoury about myself. Being the Philosophy-trained student that I am, I'm interested in seeking out flaws in arguments and trying to debate. But what does that really achieve? It's a way of undermining others, and isn't edifying at all.. I was reading yesterday in Ephesian 4: 29 - "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up... that it may give grace to those who hear." Well - I realized that, on the first day at least, when I did speak up in class to pinpoint some flaws or to question some arguments, it had been done out of pride. Because I liked to hear myself talk, and because I liked to tear down an argument to prove my own human "intelligence".
Of course I'm not saying it's wrong to question, and doubt... cos Christianity's a rational faith and it will withstand centuries of whatever doubt people throw at it. It's just that my motivation was all wrong.. even if the teacher had been blatantly wrong, what I could have done would have been to speak out of a motive to encourage him; instead, I was frankly just trying to tear down his argument to make myself feel good.
And I know that's something I've gotta ask the Holy Spirit to help me with.. I never knew that I needed to grapple with pride too. But I've also realized how many blessings I've been showered with. Even from young, I never really needed to work hard at anything.. to make it seem pass-ably good, at least. Now that's not a prideful statement.. really, it's something I'm now ashamed of, cos all these human qualities, which seem good in the worldly sense, do not contribute to actual success. What God wants isn't your intelligence or your artistic talent or whatsoever.. it's your humility, your weaknesses, your broken-ness. And yup, I really thank Him for showing me.. now to ask Him to CHANGE ME! =)
What else, what else.. admittedly I did fall asleep during the first two days of the nightly conferences.. but truly, I did learn something from them too. All right, maybe from secondary sources (who HAD been awake, haha..).. but I now do grasp the meaning of Grace, and of how much we all need Grace, and of how nothing we can do or say will make God love us more. The second night's conference about anger shocked me too.. I saw someone who I'd thought was not angry at all go up to the altar call.. my heart just sank and I stood there, and tears started coming to my eyes and streaming down my face, as I recalled the number of times I could have hurt this person, made this person angry.. and I really prayed that God would heal him. Well.. after a late-night talk with him, I realized that it wasn't a very deep, traumatic wound that'd made him angry.. Oh-kayyyyy... but oh wells, still good to realize your concern for a friend.
What else, what else.. oh yup, the last night was great. Lindy and Li-en and I'd gone around on Thursday, chanting "Tonight's the night!!!" to whoever cared to listen... and it was true, that night was the night we all stayed awake!! Haha. After CG sharing had ended at around 3am (well mine hadn't, but I still played my CG out to go sup with the gang), 14 of us piled into 2 cars, NINE of us in Dillon's (with Li-en and I in the boot, screaming and laughing hysterically each time we came to a hump or a turn), and proceeded to West Coast Mac's. Well it was great.. a few of climbed the Spiderweb and it was such an adrenaline-pumping experience - for me at least - to convert my initial hyperness into a mixture of escalating anxiety and sense of fun, as I did something I'd never done in my life. I ended up stranded at virtually every knot of the Spiderweb, gazing down at the sand in panic.. somehow it seemed 10 metres away from the ground.
Now for those who know me, I'm scared of heights. I admit, I'll go onto a ferris wheel but end up clinging hold of the side of the gondola, shaking badly. It's not like that for rollercoasters or even for reverse bungee (which I've never tried) at all.. it's just that, if I have to linger long at the top of something, I start really fearing. Well, it was a humbling experience indeed for me, as I looked down and realized just how fear incapitates one. But I really do thank Li-en especially, for her calls of encouragement and attempts to teach me, as she herself scaled the Web in virtually 10 seconds flat. =) Thanks girl!!!!
The two of us stayed on the Web and lay down and looked at the cloudy night and talked..just shared.. about stuff that maybe we'd never have shared, if not for that night. *grins* I really thought it was great fellowship time. And my time with Lindy too was wonderful. After our 4.30am brekkie of MacDonald's Breakfasts, we went back to PGP, and as Li-en conked out, Lindy and I decided to just.. sit and talk. And it was great too...uhm, again, sharing stuff that was really personal. But I do want to thank both of you wonderful people!!!! I love you girls, and am so glad that exams and META's drawn us closer...am so looking forward to next semester!!!!
Other than that.. yup, I'd just like to mention how encouraged I was by one of my group mates. He was born disabled and can't really walk well. In fact, he needs a crutch to walk, and even then, it's heart-breaking to see how tough it is for him, physically. Well, I do think that God's really worked through and in him.. to give him such a beautiful spirit of patience. It was heartening to see how he never complained at all, despite every step being a challenge for him, and the never-ending stairs we seemed to have to climb..not to mention, the long journey we had to take to Tampines (from the WEST!!!!!) on Wednesday, and the few times he fell down on the ground, lacking strength. In fact, I really do think I can see Christ in this particular person, even as he suffers silently and patiently.
I wonder.. how I would turn out.. if I had been born with a physical disability too. It would definitely be a challenge to love God.. it'd be much easier to turn away from Him, and to blame Him for the shortcomings and difficulties that disabled folks have to face in life, more so than maybe "normal" people. It would be much easier to react in a bitter way and spiral into a mess of self-pity.
But no, this group member's not like that at all.. in fact, he loves God and really trusts in Him. And that's just so wonderful to see..and inspiring too.
All in all, META's been great.. a great time of fellowship with friends and others I'd just gotten to know, of worshiping Him and just forgetting about the voices around me and my own (which is pretty hard to do, but I really pray that one day I'll learn to worship in humility).. and mostly, of learning some stuff about God and about myself, and of un-learning some other stuff. For it says in Eph 4:22-24 "... to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life.. and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness".
I thank You, God, for showing me just how human I am.. just how much I need You in everything.
Love
Kailuo
posted by Yellow Garfield at 5:04 AM
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