Life would be much simpler if I were to die in the next year.

Nah. I'm not being morbid.

I used to fear death. Alot. Especially when I was young, I hated the thought of dying. I was never sure that there would be an afterlife; sometimes, thoughts of floating, cherubic angels serenading the dead me with harps kinda made me anticipate death, but most of the time, the thought of excruciating pain, (permanent) loss of consciousness, and what-not just terrified me.

Now I know, for sure, that there's an eternal life waiting for me.. a glorious and wonderful one, to boot. So I'm really no longer scared. But I just really think our worldly life would be much simpler if I were to die soon. And if God were to reveal to me when I'll die.

You know what? I would really spend time.. building up my relationships with my parents, and praying for the Holy Spirit to change their hearts. To bring them to Christ.. or at least, to try to sow the roots so that, when I'm gone, they can be brought to accept Jesus. To pray for my sisters - so that they'll bring to realisation what the Spirit's done in their lives. To encourage my loved ones and friends, and to really (try to) be a shining light amidst them. To play more with Shanghai and Polo.. and of course, Timmie and Hansel .. AHAHA, my hamsters, I meant. Gotcha there! Speaking of them, I think they're growing cuter and cuter day by day.. did you know that hamsters sleep on their backs, and twitch their paws, when they dream? Sweet. I used to hate rodents, but seriously, these two are occupying a soft spot in my heart. What more would I do? I'd definitely spend more personal time, getting to know God and His attributes and goodness.. simply just getting to know Him more, before I meet Him. And there's something more that I would certainly do - I would dare to reveal all my true feelings to, uhm, certain people (who shall remain unnamed here).

That's why I say life would be much easier if I were to know that I'll die within the next year. Think about it: how many of us dares to do any of the above in our daily, mundane lives? Even a simple "I love you" or even "Jesus loves you" is so tough to
articulate. What do we fear from the important people in our lives? Rejection? I think that's so wrong.. but sadly, I'm guilty of this fear too.

But see, if we were to know just when our time on earth will come to an end, I'm sure that these pointless fears would just be stripped away.. and the most significant stuff would just jump right to the foremost of our lives. It's only when we live in the shadow of the knowledge of our finitude and our deaths.. that we start REALLY living. That's when we stop sweating the small stuff, and REALLY do what's important to us.

Weird thoughts like that come into my mind now and then, especially when I'm just about to fall asleep. One evening I was just ruminating on the similarities between existentialism and Christianity.. and I came to the conclusion.. hey! These two aren't totally mutually exclusive.. there ARE some spots on which they can agree too. And I'm not really talking about Kierkegaard's brand of theieistic.. (or whatever..) existentialism. I'm sayin', stuff like realising our own finitude and only living after that realisation - that's something any Christian (I think) and Sartre would agree on.

Okie! Enough boring stuff about philosophy. I don't think it's boring, but enough people do! Earlier this evening I was trying to persuade people to take Applied Ethics with me next semester.. okay so far, one person's expressed interest. Haha. Way to go, Rimtimtim!! I really hope you can take it.. it might be more stressful than EL, yesh (a TAD more stressful!) but hey! I'll always help you! But anyways.. yea. I tend to ramble a bit.

Gosh, I'm really looking forward to Christmas! Not only cos.. it's a time to remember the birth of Jesus Christ (although no one really knows when Jesus was born, true!) . But also cos some of my friends, and I, are definitely gonna volunteer at the Cheshire Home for the Disabled on that day! Yeayyy!! That's something I've always wanted to do, especially this Christmas. Even though the idea popped into my head a few weeks ago, I didn't really do anything about it.. laziness, I guess. However, I think God's really prompting me, cos Lindy just asked me yesterday whether I'd be interested.. of course I jumped at her suggestion! =) It's a great chance.. to do something meaningful, and to spread the joy, cheer, and love and happiness that all of us have been blessed with.. to those who have less.

Right now, though, I'm trying to coordinate my friends to visit on Christmas, too. And there're lessons to be learnt in such a simple matter too. Sure, I'm filled with joy when people inform me that they can come. But somehow, even though I really want to respect their opinions, I can't help feeling a sense of disappointment when any of them says no.. I feel disappointed not only on the behalf of the residents, but also because I expected my friends to all have the same enthusiasm as I do.

But I do know I'm wrong.. afterall, not everyone's alike. I need to learn that it's not because people're unkind or unloving that they can't make it. Sometimes they just have no time.. sometimes they're tired (cos they have a WHOLE lotta other things to do!!!)... and sometimes..their interests lie in helping other people, in other ways. Yup. I can't expect everyone else to think like me. I think that's partly my problem too.. when I think like that, I tend to always whine and pester and behave like a spoilt kid in general, just cos I want them to change their thinking.. to become like MINE. That's something I've gotta change too.

All righty! Enough now.. this is my THIRD post today! Haha.. oh well, the excitement of a new blog'll wear off.. in about a few months' time I guess. HAHA! Tata everyone.

Love
Kailuo