=(

Frivolous things aside, I really feel torn in two.

Sigh.

About many things.

Decisions, decisions.. Commitments, but then again, who am I responsible to? GOD.

I hate hate HATE getting pushed into something because of other people.





And really when I look within myself I find I'm changing.. maybe it's God changing me.. maybe it's not. But I find myself getting repulsed.. disgusted.. and I just want to draw away from everything and everyone and cry to God.. cry because of my own human flaws and failings and sins and how I've failed so many people...And who else understands me? Who else would listen to me? I'm such a rotten person.. I'm such a fraud and I really don't like many things about myself...and don't worry I'm being completely objective here. Yup.

Gosh. God's really answering my prayers from yesterday. Thank You Lord.

Yea, I think I'm starting to understand how a certain someone feels already.. which is good. Very good. Cos I asked God to give me the wisdom to understand so I can empathize, and with empathy comees help.. and I think He is giving it to me. I rejoice in that..

I rejoice.. yea. But not in myself nor in things surrounding me.

I know I really need to find a firm standing in my security in Christ. And in a sense, I know God loves me, and that I am worthy of His Love. Thank You Father! But - that is because God's love is all-encompassing and because His love is perfect. It can take in even sinners and rejects and outcasts and rotten people..

But my human limitation ends here. My love can't.

Yea I'm not going to commit suicide or anything, don't worry. But just don't worry too much if I don't talk much the next few days, okie? I just need to think and think and think and all.. and pray and pray and pray more..

I still love you guys.